Phyllis Tarlow Fine Art - Hudson From Bear Mt
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I Miss “US”

It’s been a difficult week for US.  It’s #Valentine’s Day 💕week yet we have struggled every night. 

I miss US!  I hate 😡 what #paralysis has done to US.  I miss those special gestures we use to do.  I can no longer walk out to our parking lot to greet you when you arrive home from work, I can no longer leave a special note in your jacket pocket because I can no longer walk over and gently slip a note without you seeing, I can no longer go to the store pick out a card to place under your pillow, I no longer wake in the mornings to find a note from you because you have to actually get me up before you leave each day, I no longer get those “just because” flowers from you, etc. etc.

These special wonderful gestures have been replaced with arguments, yelling, a lot of us each defending our actions/thoughts and tears, a lot of tears, my tears 😢

We’re struggling, struggling to find US.  How do we move forward?  Things need to get done that I am no longer able to do yet it’s not fair that you need to do it all.  I’m reminded by some that our garden flag needs to be changed, I am not able to get out the front door without assistance so, yes, I forget it needs to be changed because I don’t see it often and you’re a man, you’re not going to notice or think along those lines.  Maybe a garden flag isn’t important, maybe having a seasonal wreath on the front door or a season flag at our entrance isn’t important, maybe I’m supposed to just get over it and let the joy of seasonal decorating also be taken from my life.

While you’re at work, I’m asked by people in my house where replacement vacuum bags are? I haven’t been in the closet in 3 1/2 years how do I know, 🤷‍♀️ heck, I don’t even know if we even have any spares, and again, you’re a man, you don’t keep the closet as organized as I use to.  Maybe I’m supposed to just get over it and not know what is in my house.

While you’re at work, I go through the mail, write the checks, put stamps on them but am not able to take them outside to place in our mailbox.  I also separate those personal documents that need to be filed (bank statements, pay stubs, etc.) and not left on table for others to see.  I can no longer stand in front of file cabinet and again, being a #person_of_short_stature or #little_person, I can not reach file cabinet draw from this #wheelchair.    Maybe it doesn’t matter is everyone/anyone can see pay stubs, pay amounts, etc.  Maybe I’m supposed to just get over it and not care who knows account numbers and more.

I’m struggling,  Struggling with how do I accept the things I no longer can do that either need to be done (filing, organizing, etc.) or  accept that seasonal decorations, seasonal plants, which I use to love, are a thing of the past.

As always, I wish you days filled with WONDER – take a minute to WONDER what it is that made you smile today!

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One Response to “I Miss “US””

  • I would love to write something that could lift your spirits, but honestly I don’t have any thing to say. It is lousy, painful, and difficult to have your life change so drastically. People cannot even think what is it like, unless they experience it themselves. I am sure you have investigated every avenue. Did you see the w/c that lifts you. I don’t know it they make one for persons of your stature. It’s sad, difficult, and tiring to have given up so much. And people will say things like adapt, get over it and move on, it could be worse. Well to those people, this is worse, wake up, until you walk in someone else’s shoes. Shut up; she doesn’t want to hear it. Thank you

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