Phyllis Tarlow Fine Art - Hudson From Bear Mt
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December 2020
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I Now Miss What I Once Hated

Never in my wildest dreams would I ever think I would actually miss having an aide. Funny how situations can change so very unexpectedly.

4.5 years ago when due to surgery gone wrong left me #paralyzed, in a #wheelchair and unable to do most anything for myself, it became clear that I would need an aide with me while my honey was at work, I simply HATED 😠 the idea of having someone in my home but I had no choice.

What I can say is, Continue Reading Here

To All I Say…

I wish you all a very Happy, Healthy & Safe Thanksgiving!

What Do “They” Know Anyway

⚠️⚠️️️⚠️WARNING⚠️⚠️⚠️ This post may be upsetting or depressing for some. Below is the outcome of my recent mandatory Medicare “Wellness Visit” via televisit.

Continue Reading Here

The Surprise is Gone

2020 will be my 5th year of holidays in this #wheelchair 👩‍🦽 By now you would think I’d be “okay” with celebrating holidays and special events from the luxury of sitting…wrong. With each holiday and/or special event comes, so too does yet another dose of reality, another reminder that I can no longer truly enjoy or participate in the celebrations.

Yes I can SIT and smile at those around me, YES I can laugh and pretend I’m enjoying myself but I cannot cook the #Thanksgiving dinner, Thanksgiving Dinner 2 I cannot set the Thanksgiving table 🍽️, I can not decorate my home for any holiday, and this year, the reminder of what I can not do came in the form of gift wrapping.

This year, due to #COVID19, my honey, like many others, has been working from home since mid March which has been great 😃 until it wasn’t.

Like most, November signals the brain to start preparing for the holidays, which includes Christmas shopping 🛍️. Once again, I sit in front of this keyboard and do my shopping only this year I’m feeling okay because most everyone is shopping online due to COVID. And then it happened, that awful reminder 😞. The gifts I ordered for my honey started to arrive and I realized that this year, with him working from home, I have no aide here to help me as I have the past 4 holidays, I have no way to wrap them for him, the fun and excitement of unwrapping his gifts 🎁 is forever gone 😢.Presents

It is my honey that brings the packages inside. So what am I supposed to do, ask him who it’s from, then if it’s something I ordered for him do I ask him to go in the closet and get the wrapping paper and wrap it. . .NO. Even if I tell him to just hand me all the packages, I still cannot get the wrapping paper from the closet on my own, get the scissors ✂️on my own, get the scotch tape on my own, then wrap the gift, it’s just a mess. Being #paralyzed is bad enough but being a #little person, unable to reach now that I’m stuck in this wheelchair makes life impossible! Now of course being his wonderful self, he insists that the wrapping doesn’t matter, it the thought that went into picking the gift but still my heart is broken yet again 💔

Please feel free to “SHARE” this post with your family/friends by using one of the links below!  And don’t forget to leave your comments below, we love hearing from you!

Physical Pain vs. Emotional Pain

Lately I’m not sure which is worse physical or emotional pain. 😞

The emotional pain of watching and listening to my elderly parents slowly deteriorate is destroying me piece by piece.

The physical pain I’m experiencing in my left hip coupled with the constant pins & needles in my left foot is becoming more and more unbearable.

I am so very angry and sad because in my case, Continue Reading Here

My Heart Is Broken. . .

Today is really hard. Today my mother (who is 81) called me at 9:00 am crying because my father (who is 83) has been awake since 4:00 am calling for me. My father is on oxygen 24/7 and while he has not officially been diagnosed with dementia, it is clear he has a degree of dementia. My heart is literally broken 💔

Continue Reading Here

Why Blog?

Why blog? For me, the simple answer is blogging is my therapy. Blogging gives me something to do. #Blogging helps me express my thoughts and feelings without being judged; without the risk of upsetting anyone or bringing someone down because of how I’m feeling. I can let loose in cyber space and be free.

As a #little_person and unable to reach most everything and being confined to this #wheelchair 👩‍🦽, leaves me alone with my thoughts 💭 more often than not.

Sometimes my thoughts are so random, so angry, so sad, so mad, so discouraged that blogging can sometimes help me sort it out or at the very least express it, get it out of my head. Blogging can sometimes serve as a form of self medication.

After having doctors 👩‍⚕️, lawyers 👩‍⚖️, various manufacturers and other little people all tell me there are no other little people in my circumstances (paralyzed) and therefore there is little to no equipment or ideas on how to continue to live an independent life.

While I never felt #disabled or #handicapped prior to that fateful day in June 2016 when surgery gone wrong left me #paralyzed, I’ve since found myself searching for ideas and/or suggestions on how to do things, how to navigate life from other little people that may also be in a wheelchair. To my surprise, I wasn’t able to find many people in my situation. With that I started blogging about my thoughts, feelings, needs, etc., in the hopes that maybe someday someone will find this blog and maybe be able to relate to my life as it is now and not feel as alone as I so often do now.

As always, I wish you days filled with WONDER – take a minute to WONDER what it is that made you smile today! 😊

Please feel free to “SHARE” this post with your family/friends by using one of the links below!  And don’t forget to leave your comments below, we love hearing from you!

Dealing With #COVID-19 — What’s Next. . .???

What’s next has been weighing heavy on our minds the last few weeks. My honey has been successfully working from home, as a lot of people have, since mid March. Then his company informed everyone that after Labor Day they wanted to bring people back to work two days a week and continue remote three days.

My honey works in NYC, which is still struggling in certain areas/hot spots of #COVID. With me being #paralyzed and restricted to this #wheelchair 🦼, with virtually no #mobility, I myself am at higher risk of COVID. In addition, Continue Reading Here

How To Be Helpful & Involved . . . When You Physically Can’t

I’m going to start by saying “I know I’m not the only person in this situation.” I’m sure everyone & anyone that has physical limitations at some point can relate to not being able to be helpful and/or be physically involved in something. Whether it’s age, illness, temporary injury or, in my case, Continue Reading Here

Memories…

Okay so I’m pretty sure the majority of you reading this have Facebook right and for those of you that do not, I’m sure you’ll still relate to this post. Speaking of Facebook, hopefully you LIKE US ON FACEBOOK!

For those that have Facebook, you know that Facebook frequently looks back on things you’ve posted/shared and shows it to you again as a memory. That is exactly what happened to me this morning and the reason for this post.

Today Facebook reminded me of my Fall decorations by showing me a picture of how I use to decorate my house, both inside & out, pre-#paralysis.

Memories can make us both smile 😊 with happiness, as well as, become sad 😞 over loss. For me, I was caught somewhere in the middle today when I saw these pictures again.

I use to not only take pride in the appearance of my home but I use to actually enjoy decorating, especially seasonal and holiday decorating! While seeing this pictures again brought back those happy days, which I’m grateful for, unfortunately it also made me sad, sad because it was yet again another slap of reality, reminding me what I can’t do; can’t do from this #wheelchair.

I know I could ask my honey to get out the Fall decorations and he would gladly put them out ‘n about but, for me, the fun of it is gone. I am glad that he knows in his heart that I would if I could and he’ll always have the memories of what I use to do.

As always, I wish you days filled with WONDER – take a minute to WONDER what it is that made you smile 😊 today!

Please feel free to “SHARE” this post with your family/friends by using one of the links below!  And don’t forget to leave your comments below, we love hearing from you!

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