Phyllis Tarlow Fine Art - Hudson From Bear Mt
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I HATE 😡 Having To Explain

UGH…. sometimes I feel like I try to “act” like everything is fine, sometimes even good and sometimes I even trick myself into feeling somewhat “normal” like thing may actually be okay. Then, unexpected and unpredictable and like I say all the time, SLAM, something happens and I am once again reminded that everything is NOT okay and I am NOT okay. Continue Reading Here

I Miss “US”

It’s been a difficult week for US.  It’s #Valentine’s Day 💕week yet we have struggled every night. 

I miss US!  I hate 😡 what #paralysis has done to US.  I miss those special gestures we use to do.  Read the rest of this entry »

Feeling Sad and Sadly Embarrassed 😢

Yes I’m feeling sad. My childhood BFF lost her brother to cancer. 😢  Their house was like my second home when we were younger. My childhood BFF had 7 siblings so with 8 children and always a few friends floating around, well it was a party even when it wasn’t a party.

This will be the first wake I’ve had to attend since that fateful day in June 2016 left me #paralyzed and in this da___ #wheelchair, and, well, I’m embarrassed to have to be seen in this wheelchair, I’m embarrassed to admit it but, yes, I’m vain.

In my head I know I’m going for a very special friend and her family but at the same time, I hate having to go and see so many of my old friends from school and be in this wheelchair. Seeing people from my past life, before #paralysis, is harder for me.

Sad too is the fact that I will not be able to attend the church service the following day because I have no way to get there as my honey will be working.

Instead of being able to focus on supporting my friend and her family, first I’m now forced to think, can I enter the funeral home? Is the viewing room going to allow for enough space for this wheelchair to roll past the folding chairs where so many will be seated, etc. Once again, that slap in the face hits me, reminds me that my life is no longer care free.

To my departed friend, you fought a tough battle. You touched the lives of so many. Now is your time to rest. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

As always, I wish you days filled with WONDER – take a minute to WONDER what it is that made you smile today!

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Making Room. . .

So as you read in my last post “When Enough Has To Be Enough” I need to try to move forward with #living_this_paralyzed_life as it is if I hope to gain any true happiness and peace of mind, both for me and for my honey and I together. Continue Reading Here

When Enough Has To Be Enough

Here I sit, 3.5 years after that fateful day in 2016, saying it out loud. . .

STOP
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Continue Reading Here

The Best & Worst Decade of My Life. . .

I know I’m late, but Happy New Year! 🥳 January 2020, the 1st month of the year, the 1st month of a new decade yet as 2019 came to a close and 2020 was about to begin, I realized the best & worst decade of my life was coming to an end. I’m not sure how I feel. Continue Reading Here

What Do You See When You Look At Me?

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write what I’ve been thinking/feeling about a situation I was in last week which made me wonder, what do people think when they see me. I apologize upfront if this post is a bit scattered or is too lengthy. Continue Reading Here

When It Shouldn’t Be About Me. . .

Today is a sad day, today my Uncle passed away.  He was a strong man, a man of few words but always there if needed. Today my Mother lost one of her brothers. Continue Reading Here

Autumn’s Adventures – Gone Forever

I have so many conflicting thoughts 😕 about this blog post circling inside my head… Last month, in my posts Falling For Fall…Again and Odd, How Old and Dying Can Feel So Invigorating I told you how much I’ve always enjoyed Fall. The Fall colors, the brisk air, the smell of fresh basked apple pie 🥧 are certainly invigorating, but what I didn’t consider at the beginning of the season (only a few weeks ago) was the sadness 😦 that I’m now feeling as we get further into Autumn.

As we move into October, more and more harvest festivals and October fests begin to take place bring with it the yet again, reminders of what I can no longer take part in, no longer look forward to and no longer enjoy.

Farms and farmland are not normally easily #accessible in a #wheelchair It’s difficult if not impossible to move across the uneven grounds of an apple orchard 🍎 in a #wheelchair. It’s difficult if not impossible to move around the uneven grounds of a pumpkin patch 🎃 in a #wheelchair. It’s impossible to enjoy a hayride as a #paraplegic. It’s impossible to feel the leaves 🍂 crunch beneath your feet 🚶‍♀️ in a #wheelchair. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to fully enjoy Autumn’s adventures.

I miss walking hand-in-hand 🤝 with my honey through piles of leaves, as we laughed together enjoying each other. I miss being happy as we playfully took pictures of ourselves in those fun autumn cutouts.

As we drove around the #Catskills this past weekend. which was in full peak for leaf peeping, I was once again reminded of all the things I no longer can do since that fateful day in June 2016 when surgery gone wrong left me #paralyzed. As the colors begin to fade and days become darker earlier, so too does my spirits darken. Outwardly, for my honey, I force myself to enjoy the ride, enjoy looking at the colorful landscape passing by me as we drove, while inward thinking just as sure as the beauty of this landscape is passing me by so too has my happy life.

As always, I wish you days filled with wonder – take a minute to wonder what it is that made you smile today!

Please feel free to “SHARE” this post with your family/friends! And don’t forget to leave your comments below, we love hearing from you!

 

In Honor Of Our First Year of #Living_This_Paralyzed_Life of “Wonders” Part 1 = Q4 2018

Okay so we know it’s been 3+ years now since that fateful day in June 2016 when hip surgery went wrong and left me #paralyzed from the waist down, but it’s been almost 1 year since I started blogging again. I thought I’d recap and summarize my year of blogging about #LivingThisParalyzedLife, some good, some bad, some happy, and oh yes, some sad, but all the while a real life learning adventure. Continue Reading Here

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