Phyllis Tarlow Fine Art - Hudson From Bear Mt
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Out of Sight…Out of Mind


I wonder if he thinks of me?   I wonder if he wonders how I’m doing?    I wonder if he’s enjoying summer vacation with his wife and children?    I wonder if he realizes the damages from that fateful day.    I wonder if he knows how many lives are now affected, changed forever, never to be repaired.       

Inclusion. . .It’s A Choice

In my life “before” (aka before life in a #wheelchair) I/we would get excited to be invited to an event/activity, now all I feel is anxiety and stress.

“Before,” my biggest concern was what to wear, is it a formal gathering or casual, is it evening or day and I was happy as can be choosing the perfect outfit for me and my honey! Now, my biggest concern has morphed into several concerns:

  • Is the location wheelchair friendly
  • Does the facility have a #Family_Restroom
  • What day of the week and time is the event/activity

Is The Location Wheelchair Friendly

While most public venues are #wheelchair friendly/#accessible, there are still times when the building is not, resulting in us not attending, According to the article “…  Including People With Disabilities in Your Party ” on HuffPost regarding “Physical #Access,” “. . . if your event is at a venue that is not physically accessible to all, move it to a place that is.”

Does The Facility Have A #Family_Restroom

This is major! If the facility does not have a #Family_Restroom, this is where the planning/timing begin. If I use the bathroom at home before we leave home I’m normally good for about 4-5 hours.

  • How far away is the location – how long does it take to get there
  • What time is event/activity scheduled to end, etc.

If travel time to and from and time spent at event/activity exceeds too much more than 5 hours, mostly likely we will not go. 🙁

What Day & Time Is The Event/Activity

Before, this wouldn’t be a concern, now, it’s a major concern. If an event is during a weekday, I can’t go because my honey is working and actually, I can’t go anywhere unless I’m with him. Why is this, well, not many have the strength to #1 lift me out of wheelchair to put me in their car, #2, lift my fold-able electric wheelchair (very heavy) and put in their car, #3 lift my wheelchair out of the car when we arrive at our destination, #4 lift me out of the car back into the wheelchair. Then, repeat the process when it’s time to leave. Not to mention, even if I was somehow able to get somewhere without him, I have no way to use the restroom if I need.

As a result, I’ve stopped meeting friends for lunch or drinks, I’ve stopped attend some family afternoon gatherings, I’ve stopped going to salon to get my hair done and so much more.

Do I understand that perhaps a very old church may not be accessible for me to attend a wedding or christening, yes, but the after party could be purposely held at an accessible location. Do I understand if friends/family hold a midweek mid-afternoon luncheon at a inaccessible location, not so much; this is where inclusion is a choice comes into play.

While I completely understand that some events/activities are held at locations, dates & times suited for the majority, I can’t help but feel that if including me in ones event/activity was important, then they would be held at a location and date/time that works for me too.

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1,095 days since. . .

June 21, 2016 marked the beginning of the end in many ways. That fateful day set me and my family on a journey none of us were prepared for or expected.

Continue Reading Here

Lost. . .

Here I am close to 3 years later and I’m still feeling so lost, lonely, angry, sad, depressed, just so very very lost. Continue Reading Here

Random Thoughts. . .

I’ve found the funny thing about “random” thoughts is they aren’t so “random” after all… after doing a Google image search on these “random” thoughts/feelings I discovered others must have them too because there they were, staring right back at me, sad really, that these “random” thoughts aren’t so “random.”

Gone Are The Days of Hosting Out of Town Family & Friends…

As we all enjoy these days of spring, many begin to plan their summer vacations. Many will do beach trips or island retreats or many whose family is far a trip home for quality time is perfect. Continue Reading Here

Who Is That Woman In The Mirror

I am not the same person I used to be. I look in the mirror only to see a stranger looking back at me, at the me that used to be.

I don’t know how to enjoy life anymore, I can’t do the things that I used to bring joy to me, I can’t plant in my garden, I can’t meet “friends” for girls night, I can’t go shopping for gifts for anyone (tell me, how do you order an Easter basket fully put together online?), etc., etc., etc. Nothing matters. Continue Reading Here

When My Health Affects His

STRESS, 😬it’s there, we all have it, can’t stop it, can’t change it, but when my honey’s health is now affected because of me, well, tell me, how am I supposed to deal with that?

He loves me I know, he worries about me it’s true, he stresses over us, what can I do? Continue Reading Here

HELLO. . . I Can Speak For Myself

Lately I’ve been finding myself getting more and more frustrated 😠 when I get treated different when my honey and I are out.” I’m finding more and more people talk about me as if I wasn’t there when I’m right there!

Last week we went to the dry cleaners so I could have a few pieces altered and the seamstress looked directly at my honey and asked “can she try this on”? EXCUSE ME. . . do you not see me?????

Does she need this, can she do that, does she what to do this, at the risk of being rude I feel I need to start responding with “HELLO, I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE AND CAN SPEAK FOR MYSELF!”

So what is it that makes people feel I’m not capable of speaking for myself, is it the wheelchair, is it because I’m a person of short stature or is it a combination of the fact that I am a person of short stature who happens to be in a wheelchair? I struggle to answer that because I simply just don’t know.

I had a very successful career for 30 working at the headquarters of a national non-profit organization. Ending my career I was a Director responsible for generating millions of dollars annually which required a great deal of contract negotiating to come to a mutually beneficial agreement. So, if I somehow managed to think for myself and speak to others for 55 years, why now all of a sudden do people think it’s okay to speak as if I’m not “sitting” right in front of them!

As always, I wish you days filled with wonder – take a minute to wonder what it is that made you smile today!

Please feel free to “SHARE” this post with your family/friends! And don’t forget to leave your comments below, we love hearing from you!


Adjusting to Celebrating. . .

This past weekend we celebrated both my mother’s 80th birthday and St. Patrick’s Day…let me say I “celebrated” on the outside and cried on the inside. Continue Reading Here